How to know whether you are being defensive: And how to act on this knowledge
In this article, I discuss criteria you can use to determine whether you are being defensive and how to proceed once you have determined this. I encounter the terms defensive and defensiveness often. For example, they arise frequently when I work with couples on how to communicate constructively about issues. In that regard, one of the negative communication patterns known as the ‘four horsemen of the apocalypse’ identified by relationship expert Dr. John Gottman is defensiveness. I also often hear one person tell another person in a discussion that they are being defensive—both in and apart from couples counselling conversations. My experience with the terms defensive and defensiveness has led me to arrive at two conclusions: (1) the terms are often misused and misunderstood; (2) there is a need for more knowledge on how a person should proceed once they have determined whether they are being defensive. In the following sections, I will discuss how to know whether you are being defensive and how to act on this knowledge...[more]
The three laws of emotional mastery
In this article, I discuss three laws you can follow to master your management of emotions. One of the most impactful articles I have read is The Three Laws of Emotional Mastery. Written by Noam Shpancer, PhD, it appeared in the May 4, 2021 edition of Psychology Today. I have used the concepts discussed in the article to help many clients with the challenging task of managing their emotions. In the following sections, I will discuss the three laws of emotional mastery and how they can benefit you in different areas of your life...[more]
Striking a balance: Having good self-esteem without becoming egotistical
In this article, I discuss how to feel good about yourself without having negative effects on your relationships. I sometimes work with clients who are ambivalent about working on the goal of building good self-esteem. You might wonder why someone would be ambivalent about pursuing an apparently unequivocally positive goal. The reason for these clients’ ambivalence is typically concern over good self-esteem leading to egotism or even narcissism. Such concerns often extend to putting oneself ahead of others so that their relationships may suffer. Fortunately, there are ways to have good self-esteem without it leading to these negative consequences. In the following sections, I will discuss steps you can take to strike this balance...[more]
Best practices on and off the playing field: Lessons from the Super Bowl
In this article, I discuss life lessons displayed by participants in the National Football League’s championship game. Like millions of football fans, each year I look forward to watching the championship game of the National Football League (NFL) known as the Super Bowl. I am particularly excited to watch this year’s game as it features the American Football Conference champion Kansas City Chiefs battling my favourite team—the National Football Conference champion San Francisco 49ers. My fondness for the 49ers grew when my younger brother and I travelled to the Bay Area to watch them play the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in December, 2022. In addition to enjoying the game, as a psychologist I am fascinated by the life lessons which are displayed by the participants. In the following sections, I will discuss some of these...[more]
A nice place to visit: Lessons from the Twilight Zone
In this article, I discuss the thought-provoking messages contained in an episode of an old television series. Recently, I have been enjoying watching reruns of episodes of the landmark television series The Twilight Zone. Created by Rod Serling, the series began airing before I was born so I was unable to catch the episodes in their first run. Most episodes of the half-hour drama featured unusual scenarios which stimulated viewers to think outside the box and provided important life lessons. In the following sections, I will discuss the lessons provided by one such episode entitled A Nice Place to Visit...[more]
An illustration of biased thinking: My view of a legendary football coach
In this article, I discuss how I committed the fundamental attribution error in my perception of New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick. The day before I started writing this article, the iconic Bill Belichick stepped down from his duties as head coach of the National Football League’s New England Patriots after a storied run which included a record six Super Bowl titles. What led me to write this article about Mr. Belichick was not his unrivalled success. Instead, it was my long-standing view of him and how it recently changed. I had a fixed perception of ‘Hoodie’ based largely on his behaviour at many post-game press conferences over the years. That perception was rocked by my listening to comments by people who interacted with Mr. Belichick as well as by the head coach’s statement at his farewell press conference. I realized that my long-established evaluation of him was largely the result of my committing the biased thinking pattern known as the fundamental attribution error. In the following sections, I will discuss how this psychologist, who has given university lectures about the fundamental attribution error, succumbed to it in forming my view of Mr. Belichick...[more]
Dr. Pat Featured in the Calgary Herald: Insights on Achieving Fitness Goals
Discover Dr. Pat Keelan's professional advice on achieving fitness goals in his recent Calgary Herald feature. Explore the article for key strategies and tips on embracing a healthier lifestyle in 2024. Click to read more
Using your senses to enhance your mental health: It’s just common sense
In this article, I discuss how to use your five senses to benefit your mental health. Over the Christmas holiday season, I derived enjoyment from various activities I engaged in by myself and with friends and family. On reflection, my enjoyment typically was the result of activities which had positive effects on one or more of the five senses. For example, my sight was positively stimulated by gazing at a beautifully decorated Christmas tree and at the lights on people’s homes; my sense of hearing was treated to carols and other songs associated with this time of year; I enjoyed hugging friends and family to stimulate my sense of touch along with the relaxation I felt when I sampled a portable neck massager which someone got at a gift exchange I attended; the smell of scented candles and of incense at Christmas Mass along with the aroma of the Christmas meal which I enjoyed brought me pleasure through my olfactory senses; and last but not least my sense of taste was treated to pleasure from the food at the Christmas meal and at many other holiday gatherings. The holiday season reminded me of how important it is to use our five senses—or as many as we have in working order—to benefit our mental health. In the following sections, I will discuss ways to incorporate your five senses into your mental health routine...[more]
Steering Clear of Road Rage: Dr. Pat’s Interview on CTV News Calgary with Teri Fikowski
Explore Dr. Pat's expert advice on CTV News Calgary with Teri Fikowski about managing road rage. Discover practical strategies for staying calm and emotionally regulated while driving, and learn how to navigate the roads with increased safety and peace of mind.
How to identify anger management skills: Analyze points in the anger episode sequence
In this article, I discuss anger management skills derived from analyzing points in the sequence of an anger episode. In my last article, I discussed the value of analyzing anger episodes as detailed in the excellent book, Anger Management: The Complete Treatment Guidebook For Practitioners by Drs. Howard Kassinove and Raymond Chip Tafrate. These analyses go through the sequence of events which occur in situations in which a person has challenges in managing their anger. Skills and strategies are identified to address challenges which occur at different points in the sequence of the episodes. While my last article focused on the sequence of events comprising an anger episode, in this article I will discuss skills and strategies which can be used to manage anger effectively at different points in the sequence of an episode. I will do so in the following sections...[more]