In this article, I will discuss why some people return to bad habits after having replaced them with good habits.
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes.
Much of my therapy practice involves helping clients break bad habits and replace them with good habits. Many of the bad habits entail engaging in behaviours which negatively affect the client and people in their lives. Procrastination, cheating on one’s partner, getting involved in unhealthy relationships, binge-eating, gambling, and substance use are a few of the behaviours which fall into this category.
It is challenging work to break bad habits and replace them with good habits. However, clients who have the motivation, patience and perseverance to invest in this process can achieve their goals of eliminating their bad habits in favour of good habits.
Unfortunately, some clients who have done the hard work of establishing good habits and dispensing with bad habits decide to return to their bad habits. This can happen even when the client has been on track using their good habits for long periods of time. In the following sections, I will discuss several reasons for clients deciding to ‘fix what ain’t broke’ at these times.
Coping with difficult emotions
People sometimes return to bad habits when they must cope with difficult emotions such as stress, anxiety, loneliness, guilt, frustration, anger, embarrassment and sadness. One reason for this is that many bad habits involve behaviours which allow the person to avoid facing these emotions. If the person does not feel confident in coping with these emotions constructively with psychological skills, they may instead avoid facing them by returning to bad habits such as drug or alcohol use.
Encountering challenging situations—especially when they are unexpected
A key to maintaining good habits is coping with challenging situations in which you have urges to return to bad habits. Although it is generally good practice to steer clear of these situations, it is impossible to avoid all situations in which you have urges to return to bad habits. If a person lacks the skills and the confidence to cope with these situations, they are at risk of returning to their bad habits.
For example, someone who has broken the bad habit of drinking alcohol may try to avoid situations in which alcohol is present as much as possible but they may not have the skills to manage urges to drink when they are in a situation in which alcohol is present.
Urges to return to drinking alcohol may be prompted by other people drinking and sometimes by other people urging the person to have a drink. Staying on track by refraining from drinking would be especially challenging if the person encountered such a situations unexpectedly.
Having permission-giving thoughts which go unrebutted
Our thoughts guide our decisions to engage or not to engage in behaviours. In that regard, a common reason for people returning to bad habits is having ‘permission-giving thoughts’. As the name indicates, these are thoughts which give the person permission to engage in a behaviour.
In the case of behaviours which lead to a return to bad habits, permission-giving thoughts give the green light to the behaviour by justifying it, overestimating the positive effects and minimizing or ignoring the negative effects.
For example, someone who has refrained from alcohol use for a long period may decide to have a drink based on a permission-giving thought such as, ‘I’ve proven I can stay off drinking so what’s the harm in my having a drink now? Besides, I deserve to relax with a drink after the stressful day I’ve had.’ Unless such permission-giving thoughts are rebutted by the person reminding themselves of the reasons they should not have a drink, they are likely to return to the bad habit.
Lacking support to stay on track
Trying to ‘go it alone’ in maintaining good habits is very difficult. Having the support of people encouraging you in your efforts such as friends, family, sponsors, and support group members along with therapists who help you use skills to stay on track makes it much easier to keep up your good habits. In contrast, people who return to bad habits are less likely to have these supportive relationships.
Not having a relapse prevention plan
People are more likely to return to bad habits when they do not have a relapse prevention plan. This plan identifies various factors which may put the person at risk of returning to their bad habits. More importantly, it also identifies strategies for coping with these risk factors so that the person continues their good habits and does not return to their bad habits.
Making a relapse prevention plan with clients is standard practice for therapists working with clients whose goal is to continue good habits and break bad habits. Not having a relapse prevention plan leaves a person unprepared for coping effectively with risk factors, making it more likely they will return to their bad habits when these factors emerge.
How to stay on track with your good habits
In my next article, I will discuss strategies to help you stay on track with your good habits and not return to your bad habits.
May you don’t fix it when it ain’t broke,
-Dr. Pat
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