How to identify anger management skills: Analyze points in the anger episode sequence

In my last article, I discussed the value of analyzing anger episodes as detailed in the excellent book, Anger Management: The Complete Treatment Guidebook For Practitioners by Drs. Howard Kassinove and Raymond Chip Tafrate. These analyses go through the sequence of events which occur in situations in which a person has challenges in managing their anger. Skills and strategies are identified to address challenges which occur at different points in the sequence of the episodes.

While my last article focused on the sequence of events comprising an anger episode, in this article I will discuss skills and strategies which can be used to manage anger effectively at different points in the sequence of an episode. I will do so in the following sections.

Neutralize the trigger

The trigger is the event which sets the anger episode in motion. Common triggers include someone’s words or actions directed toward the person as well as finding out some disturbing information.

Examples of triggers include being criticized by one’s relationship partner, co-worker or family member; a child disobeying their parent; one driver cutting off another driver; and a person finding out that they have been treated unfairly.

Effective anger management begins by doing all you can to neutralize the trigger. That is, if you can take steps to decrease the likelihood of the trigger being present, you have already decreased the likelihood of experiencing anger and reacting to it with aggression.

There are different ways to neutralize different kinds of triggers. For example, working to cultivate positive relationships with relationship partners, family members and co-workers will make it less likely that these people will behave toward you in a manner which triggers your anger. Driving in a responsible manner and leaving ample time to get to your destination will make it less likely you will encounter triggers leading to road rage. Practicing effective parenting strategies will make it less likely that your child will misbehave.

Reappraise the trigger

Appraisal of the trigger refers to your interpretation of it—in other words, the meaning the person attaches to it. Appraisals in anger episodes often involve ‘hot thoughts’. These are negatively skewed views of the trigger which typically elevate the intensity of their emotional and behavioural reactions to it.

For example, the person being criticized may have hot thoughts regarding their view of the other person’s character such as ‘She is selfish’ or regarding their view of how the other person feels about them such as ‘He doesn’t respect me’.

Reappraising the trigger entails evaluating your hot thoughts with all the evidence—both supporting and not supporting. This results in the negatively skewed hot thought being changed to a more accurate and non-skewed balanced thought.

For example, if the trigger of a person’s spouse criticizing them leads to them having an appraisal comprised of the hot thought, ‘She does not respect me’, reappraisal can lead to a balanced thought such as, ‘Although at times I think that she does not respect me, I also have substantial evidence that she does respect me’. Reappraisals like this one reduce the intensity of the person’s emotional and physical reactions to the trigger to a manageable level. In turn, the likelihood of exhibiting an aggressive behavioural reaction is reduced.

Reduce your emotional and physical reaction to the trigger

Negatively skewed appraisals of the trigger lead to intense emotional reactions comprised of anger and related emotions like frustration. These are accompanied by intense physical reactions in the form of the body’s fight or flight response. In turn, these strong emotional and physical reactions make it more likely that you will react aggressively to the trigger.

Using strategies to reduce the intensity of your emotional and physical reaction to the trigger will make it easier for you to respond with a constructive behavioural reaction rather than an aggressive one. Practicing strategies like relaxed breathing and progressive muscle relaxation will allow you to replace the stress response in your body with a relaxation response which will reduce the intensity of your emotions including anger.

Switching your attention from the trigger by focusing on a more positive stimulus or, if possible, by leaving the situation will quickly reduce the intensity of your physical and emotional reactions. Engaging in regular cardiovascular exercise is great for managing stress generally but also makes it easier to reduce the intensity of your emotional and physical reactions to triggers. Taking action to address sources of stress at work, in relationships and in other domains will help keep the level of emotional and physical intensity in response to a trigger at a manageable level.

Practicing deliberate and planned exposure to anger triggers (such as critical comments) is beneficial because this will, over time, decrease the intensity of your emotional and physical reactions through the process of habituation/desensitization. However, given that it takes time for this process to occur, it is advisable to begin the exposure away from actual triggers with imaginal exposure and through role-play exposure with a therapist or other trusted person. Exposure to actual triggers too soon risks the person’s anger in these situations being so intense that they are prone to acting on their anger in an aggressive manner.

Change your behavioural reaction to the trigger

The behavioural reaction to the trigger entails what the person says and/or does in response to it. Hot-thought filled appraisals which lead to strong emotional and physical reactions are more likely to lead to behavioural reactions involving verbal and/or physical aggression. In turn, these reactions are less likely to result in the person expressing their thoughts and feelings in a constructive manner.

Changing your behavioural reaction to the trigger entails preparing a constructive way of responding with your words and/or actions to replace an aggressive reaction. Sometimes this may involve simply withholding the aggressive reaction and neither saying nor doing anything instead. If circumstances permit, it may involve leaving the situation as an alternative to behaving aggressively. It can also entail communicating your points in a constructive manner instead of behaving aggressively.

Aggressive beahavioural reactions to triggers usually occur impulsively because the person believes they have no alternative ways of responding. Practicing constructive ways of responding through mental rehearsal and role plays will make it more likely that these responses will occur instead of aggressive reactions when faced with triggers.

Remove reinforcement for your reaction to the trigger

Anger episodes often culminate in an aggressive behavioural reaction because it provides a reinforcement or rewarding consequence. Some of the rewards following an aggressive reaction to the trigger include feeling a reduction in emotional and physical tension, the temporary ceasing of the anger-provoking trigger, and having the belief that one is being heard.

Finding ways to achieve these benefits other than by having an aggressive behavioural reaction to the trigger will remove obtaining these benefits as a reason for behaving aggressively. In turn, this will reduce the likelihood of behaving aggressively in response to the trigger.

For example, if a person behaves aggressively because it leads them to feel a reduction in emotional and physical tension, practicing other ways to reduce emotional and physical tension would remove this as a reason for behaving aggressively. If a person believes they are being heard when they behave aggressively, finding other ways to communicate so that one feels heard would remove this as a reason for behaving aggressively.

Target each point in the sequence for best results

Practicing any of the strategies from a particular point in the sequence of an anger episode will help you improve your effectiveness in managing your anger. Having said that, for the best results you should work on gradually adding as many strategies as possible from each point in the sequence.

You may find it helpful to work with a psychologist or other kind of therapist who can guide you in the implementation of the strategies.

May you manage your anger by using skills from each point in the sequence of an anger episode,

-Dr. Pat