Do you want to be happier? Be careful when comparing yourself to others.
What is social comparison?
Social comparison is a pretty straightforward concept. You engage in social comparison whenever you compare yourself to one or more others. The most common types of social comparison involve seeing how you are doing relative to others in some area of your life. There are two main types of social comparison: (1) In upward social comparison, you compare yourself to someone who is doing better than you in a certain area. For example, if you compare yourself to another golfer whose scores are better than yours, you are doing this kind of social comparison; (2) In downward social comparison, you compare yourself to someone who is not doing as well as you are in a particular area. For example, if you compare your productivity at work to that of a colleague whose productivity is lower than yours, you are engaging in this kind of social comparison.
Types of social comparison which can help you
Comparing yourself to someone else can be helpful if you do it in the right way. For example, if you’re trying to improve at a sport or some other skill, comparing yourself to someone who is doing better so that you can learn to use the strategies they’re using is a form of upward social comparison which would be beneficial to you. It may also help you feel better by noticing that you are doing better than many other people in coping with a difficult situation. This is an example of a downward social comparison which would be helpful to you.
Types of social comparison which can hurt you
Unfortunately, many people compare themselves to others in ways which lead them to feel negatively about themselves. For example, some people rarely acknowledge and feel good about their own positive qualities, abilities and accomplishments because they focus on how they come up short compared to certain other people in these areas. You will almost certainly experience significant negative consequences by regularly engaging in this kind of upward social comparison. Consider, for example, the effect on your self-esteem of focusing on how you don’t measure up in physical attractiveness to certain people you know or even to actresses or models you see on television, magazines or in other media. You may consequently find yourself suffering from depression, anxiety, an eating disorder or other concerns. These are just some of the issues stemming from comparing yourself to others in the wrong way.
How to make social comparison work for you: Tip #1—Try doing less of it
The first piece of advice regarding social comparison is to try to do less of it by focusing more on yourself and less on others. Research studies have demonstrated that people who focus on acknowledging and feeling good about their own positive qualities and achievements in and of themselves, rather than comparing themselves to others, are significantly happier than people who focus on their qualities and achievements primarily in comparison to others. Doing so has the added benefit of making it easier to celebrate the positive qualities and achievements of those around you rather than feeling negatively about yourself and envious of them which are the results when your focus is on comparison.
How to make social comparison work for you: Tip #2—When doing it, use the right kind
The second piece of advice is to do the right kind of social comparison on those occasions (hopefully fewer!) when you engage in this process. Comparing yourself to others who are doing better than you so you can learn how to improve is a good use of social comparison. Feeling badly about yourself by focusing on how you don’t measure up to certain people while ignoring the fact that you are doing well compared to many other people is a bad use of social comparison. Reassuring yourself by recognizing that you are doing well compared to many other people in coping with a difficult situation is a good use of social comparison. Beating yourself up with guilt while you focus on others who, through no fault of your own, are not doing as well as you is a bad use of social comparison.
The final word: Learning skills to help you dare to compare
Given that other people are part of our lives, it is impossible to avoid social comparison. However, if you follow the guidelines in this article, you will find it easier to ‘rein in’ the process to make it work for you rather than against you. As a Calgary psychologist whose specialties include self-esteem counseling and eating disorders counseling, I have seen first-hand the role social comparison plays in these and other issues. The good news is that when they use the strategies discussed in this article, my clients typically make progress in addressing their issues. You can do the same.
May your social comparisons be fewer and the right kind,
Dr. Pat
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