Call Dr. Pat: (403) 324-1875

Psychology

How to know whether you are being defensive: And how to act on this knowledge

In this article, I discuss criteria you can use to determine whether you are being defensive and how to proceed once you have determined this. I encounter the terms defensive and defensiveness often. For example, they arise frequently when I work with couples on how to communicate constructively about issues. In that regard, one of the negative communication patterns known as the ‘four horsemen of the apocalypse’ identified by relationship expert Dr. John Gottman is defensiveness. I also often hear one person tell another person in a discussion that they are being defensive—both in and apart from couples counselling conversations. My experience with the terms defensive and defensiveness has led me to arrive at two conclusions: (1) the terms are often misused and misunderstood; (2) there is a need for more knowledge on how a person should proceed once they have determined whether they are being defensive. In the following sections, I will discuss how to know whether you are being defensive and how to act on this knowledge...[more]

2024-03-17T20:14:20-06:00By |Categories: Psychology, Relationships|
Read More

The three laws of emotional mastery

In this article, I discuss three laws you can follow to master your management of emotions. One of the most impactful articles I have read is The Three Laws of Emotional Mastery. Written by Noam Shpancer, PhD, it appeared in the May 4, 2021 edition of Psychology Today. I have used the concepts discussed in the article to help many clients with the challenging task of managing their emotions. In the following sections, I will discuss the three laws of emotional mastery and how they can benefit you in different areas of your life...[more]

2024-03-10T19:42:27-06:00By |Categories: Anxiety, Psychology|
Read More

Best practices on and off the playing field: Lessons from the Super Bowl

In this article, I discuss life lessons displayed by participants in the National Football League’s championship game. Like millions of football fans, each year I look forward to watching the championship game of the National Football League (NFL) known as the Super Bowl. I am particularly excited to watch this year’s game as it features the American Football Conference champion Kansas City Chiefs battling my favourite team—the National Football Conference champion San Francisco 49ers. My fondness for the 49ers grew when my younger brother and I travelled to the Bay Area to watch them play the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in December, 2022. In addition to enjoying the game, as a psychologist I am fascinated by the life lessons which are displayed by the participants. In the following sections, I will discuss some of these...[more]

2024-02-10T21:30:53-07:00By |Categories: Psychology, Sport & Performance|
Read More

A nice place to visit: Lessons from the Twilight Zone

In this article, I discuss the thought-provoking messages contained in an episode of an old television series. Recently, I have been enjoying watching reruns of episodes of the landmark television series The Twilight Zone. Created by Rod Serling, the series began airing before I was born so I was unable to catch the episodes in their first run. Most episodes of the half-hour drama featured unusual scenarios which stimulated viewers to think outside the box and provided important life lessons. In the following sections, I will discuss the lessons provided by one such episode entitled A Nice Place to Visit...[more]

2024-01-29T04:47:51-07:00By |Categories: Psychology, Relationships|
Read More

An illustration of biased thinking: My view of a legendary football coach

In this article, I discuss how I committed the fundamental attribution error in my perception of New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick. The day before I started writing this article, the iconic Bill Belichick stepped down from his duties as head coach of the National Football League’s New England Patriots after a storied run which included a record six Super Bowl titles. What led me to write this article about Mr. Belichick was not his unrivalled success. Instead, it was my long-standing view of him and how it recently changed. I had a fixed perception of ‘Hoodie’ based largely on his behaviour at many post-game press conferences over the years. That perception was rocked by my listening to comments by people who interacted with Mr. Belichick as well as by the head coach’s statement at his farewell press conference. I realized that my long-established evaluation of him was largely the result of my committing the biased thinking pattern known as the fundamental attribution error. In the following sections, I will discuss how this psychologist, who has given university lectures about the fundamental attribution error, succumbed to it in forming my view of Mr. Belichick...[more]

2024-01-14T19:46:52-07:00By |Categories: Psychology|
Read More

Using your senses to enhance your mental health: It’s just common sense

In this article, I discuss how to use your five senses to benefit your mental health. Over the Christmas holiday season, I derived enjoyment from various activities I engaged in by myself and with friends and family. On reflection, my enjoyment typically was the result of activities which had positive effects on one or more of the five senses. For example, my sight was positively stimulated by gazing at a beautifully decorated Christmas tree and at the lights on people’s homes; my sense of hearing was treated to carols and other songs associated with this time of year; I enjoyed hugging friends and family to stimulate my sense of touch along with the relaxation I felt when I sampled a portable neck massager which someone got at a gift exchange I attended; the smell of scented candles and of incense at Christmas Mass along with the aroma of the Christmas meal which I enjoyed brought me pleasure through my olfactory senses; and last but not least my sense of taste was treated to pleasure from the food at the Christmas meal and at many other holiday gatherings. The holiday season reminded me of how important it is to use our five senses—or as many as we have in working order—to benefit our mental health. In the following sections, I will discuss ways to incorporate your five senses into your mental health routine...[more]

2023-12-31T21:03:10-07:00By |Categories: Depression, Psychology|
Read More

Four simple rules: For building good habits and eliminating bad ones

In this article, I discuss how to form good habits and discard bad habits by applying four rules for changing behaviours. I recently read Atomic Habits: Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results by James Clear. As the title indicates, the book is focused on strategies to form good habits and eliminate bad habits. The cornerstone of these strategies are the four rules of behaviour change. Each of these rules provides directions on how to increase the frequency of behaviours which we want to become good habits and on how to decrease the frequency of behaviours which we do not want to adopt or continue as bad habits. In the following sections, I will discuss these rules and illustrate how they can be applied to habits of different kinds...[more]

2023-11-19T21:48:33-07:00By |Categories: Psychology, Sport & Performance|
Read More

The benefits of normalizing an issue

In this article, I discuss why it is helpful to recognize that issues you’re facing are issues which most people find challenging. Many clients I encounter not only suffer from the issues they are facing, they sustain additional distress by getting down on themselves for having the issues when other people don’t have them. When I inform these clients that most people must deal with the issues they are facing, the relief they convey is palpable. This captures the essence of normalizing issues. When we normalize issues, we recognize that issues we are facing are issues which most people find challenging. There are many issues for which normalizing has beneficial effects. I will discuss these in the following sections...[more]

2023-09-10T19:15:51-06:00By |Categories: Psychology|
Read More

Are the emotional benefits of an activity worth the costs? Strategies to help you decide

In this article, I will help you decide whether to pursue activities by weighing the emotional costs and benefits. In my last article, I discussed an important consideration in deciding whether to pursue various vocational opportunities, activities and relationships—the emotional costs and benefits which you derive. In that article, I also provided examples of the emotional costs and benefits commonly encountered in activities like education and work, hobbies and interests and relationships. In the following sections, I will provide strategies to help you decide whether the benefits you derive from the positive emotions associated with an activity make it worth it to put up with the emotional costs which come with the activity...[more]

2023-08-13T20:39:15-06:00By |Categories: Psychology, Stress|
Read More

Weighing the emotional costs and benefits of your activities

In this article, I discuss an important consideration in deciding whether to pursue various activities, vocational opportunities, and relationships—the emotional costs and benefits which you derive. It is axiomatic that we derive the greatest enjoyment, meaning and fulfilment from our various activities such as education, work, hobbies and interests as well as our relationships. These activities enhance our lives largely because they allow us to experience a myriad of positive emotions such as happiness, joy, love, enthusiasm, passion, pride and excitement—to name just a few. While engaging in these activities, we also necessarily experience negative emotions such as sadness, anxiety, frustration, anger, hurt, disappointment, guilt and shame—to name a few. In effect, if we want to enjoy experiencing the positive emotions from participating in these activities we must pay a price by also experiencing the negative emotions. In the following sections, I will give several examples of how the pursuits in which we engage lead us to experience both positive and negative emotions. In my next article, I will provide guidelines on how to decide whether the benefits you derive from the positive emotions associated with an activity make it worth it also to experience the costs which come with the activity...[more]

2023-07-30T21:29:41-06:00By |Categories: Psychology, Stress|
Read More
Go to Top