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Relationships

Riding the true north express: How supporting a sports team can enhance your well-being

In this article, I discuss the mental health benefits I accrued from supporting the Winnipeg Jets hockey team during the past season. As a native of Winnipeg, Manitoba, I have long been a supporter of their sports teams. This includes football’s Blue Bombers and, at one time, AAA baseball’s Whips who were the farm team of the Montreal Expos. During the winter and spring, my support is focused on the National Hockey League’s Winnipeg Jets. The Jets were recently eliminated in the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs after a storybook season in which they claimed the President’s Trophy for finishing the regular season with the league’s best record. Although I was disappointed that the Jets’ playoff performance fell short of what was predicted based on their banner regular season, the many mental health benefits I enjoyed made it well worth it to be an avid supporter. In the following sections, I will use my support of the Jets to discuss how supporting a sports team can enhance your well-being...[more]

2025-05-27T18:48:50-06:00By |Categories: Relationships, Sport & Performance|
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The four horsemen: Costs of using them in relationships and in politics

In this article, I discuss how using negative communication patterns has costs in personal relationships and in election campaigns. I regularly discuss ‘the four horsemen of the apocalypse’ with clients. To clarify, I do not spend much time discussing the Biblical reference to the four signs of the end of the world. Instead, I focus on four negative communication patterns described by psychologist and relationship expert Dr. John Gottman in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Dr. Gottman refers to these patterns as the four horsemen of the apocalypse because their ongoing use leads to the end of relationships. I recently observed that politicians who regularly use the four horsemen when communicating may pay a price on election day. I came to this realization during the Canadian federal election campaign which culminated in the election of the Liberal Party of Canada with Mark Carney as Prime Minister on April 28, 2025. Based on what I learned about the result, I believe there is evidence that Dr. Gottman’s four horsemen played a role in the victory by Mr. Carney and his fellow Liberals. I will discuss these dynamics in the following sections...[more]

2025-05-11T20:37:23-06:00By |Categories: Relationships, Sport & Performance|
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My favourite movies and television specials for the holiday season

In this article, I discuss the movies and television specials which I make a point to watch during the Christmas holidays and why I enjoy them. Among the enjoyable activities of the Christmas holiday season is watching my favourite holiday movies and television shows. In the following sections, I will discuss my go-to holiday specials and why I enjoy them so much...[more]

2024-12-15T21:01:01-07:00By |Categories: Relationships|
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Managing conflict at holiday gatherings: Follow basic principles

In this article, I discuss how you can use basic principles for managing conflict to manage conflict at holiday gatherings. This Christmas holiday session often features gatherings among family, friends, co-workers and others. Although many of these gatherings are enjoyable, some of them are stressful. These unpleasant gatherings often involve conflict resulting from people with different attitudes on issues ranging from politics to religion interacting with each other. Managing this conflict effectively can make these unpleasant gatherings less unpleasant and even enjoyable in some circumstances. Following basic principles for managing conflict can help you to achieve this goal. I will discuss how you can do this in the following sections...[more]

2024-12-01T18:02:34-07:00By |Categories: Relationships, Stress|
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Addressing ingroup bias: Using its benefits to decrease its costs

In this article, I discuss how the positive effects of ingroup bias can be used to decrease its negative effects. In my last article, I began by discussing the well-known negative effects of ingroup bias. This centers on the many ways we treat people who are not in our groups more negatively compared to how we treat people who are in groups to which we belong. I then discussed the less well-known positive effects of ingroup bias. These focus on the beneficial consequences ingroup bias has on our relationships with people who are members of groups to which we belong or with which we identify. Finally, I indicated that ingroup bias is not a zero-sum game in which enjoying the benefits necessitates accepting the costs. In other words, it is possible to have great connections and relationships with others in your ingroup without it requiring you to have negative attitudes and display unfair behaviours toward members of outgroups. Even better news is that you can use the benefits of ingroup bias to decrease its costs. I will discuss how to do this in the following sections...[more]

2024-09-22T18:37:59-06:00By |Categories: Psychology, Relationships|
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Ingroup bias: The bad…and the good?

In this article, I will discuss the well-known negative effects and the underappreciated positive effects which occur based on groups to which we belong. Among the longest-standing and robust findings in psychological research is ingroup bias—often called ingroup favouritism. It refers to people’s tendency to favour people who are members of groups or categories to which they belong or with which they identify over people who are members of groups or categories to which they do not belong or with which they do not identify.’ Much discussion of ingroup bias focuses on its negative effects. This centers on the many ways we treat people who are not in our groups more negatively compared to how we treat people in groups to which we belong. And although it is important to be aware of these negative effects and to try to reduce and alleviate them, it is also helpful to recognize and capitalize on the positive effects of ingroup bias. This focuses on the beneficial consequences ingroup bias on our relationships with people who are members of groups to which we belong or with which we identify. In the following sections, I will discuss the bad and the good sides of the double-edged sword known as ingroup bias...[more]

2024-09-08T19:53:36-06:00By |Categories: Psychology, Relationships|
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How to manage conflict in a relationship: It’s all about where you focus your need for control

In this article, I will discuss how couples’ management of their need for control affects their success in managing conflict. Managing conflict effectively is a fundamental skill to having a good relationship. There are many skills which help couples to achieve this goal. Among the skills is effectively managing a basic motive which we all have—the need for control. In the following sections, I will discuss how couples with good relationships differ from couples with bad relationships in the way that they manage their need for control in conflict situations...[more]

2024-08-11T18:34:36-06:00By |Categories: Psychology, Relationships|
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Preventing an affair: Steps toward staying faithful to your partner

In this article, I will discuss steps which partners in a relationship can take to remain faithful to each other. In my last article, I discussed steps couples can take to heal in the wake of an affair in their relationships. Part of the challenging work of rebuilding trust typically involves taking steps to prevent further breaches of trust. In that regard, it is reasonable for the hurt partner to consider that if their partner was unfaithful to them already, why could it not happen again? In this article, I will discuss steps couples can take which can significantly reduce the likelihood of a further breach of trust. Although most of the work on these steps is done by the partner who has been unfaithful, both partners are active participants in this process. In addition to fostering healing and rebuilding trust after an affair has occurred, these steps can also be taken proactively to prevent affairs occurring in the first place. In the following sections, I will discuss these steps...[more]

2024-06-16T20:51:59-06:00By |Categories: Relationships|
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Healing from an affair: Steps to help with a challenging journey

In this article, I will discuss steps which couples can take to rebuild trust and their relationship in the wake of an affair. One of the most challenging issues I have encountered in therapy is helping couples to heal from an affair. The often-devastating effects on the relationship and on both partners—particular the partner whose trust has been violated—makes working on the issue in therapy feel like rebuilding a home in the wake of a natural disaster. Although the journey to rebuild the relationship in general and trust in particular is typically long and difficult, taking the right steps can allow the couple to get their relationship back on track slowly but surely. In the following sections, I will discuss these steps...[more]

2024-06-02T19:04:38-06:00By |Categories: Relationships|
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It takes two to tango: The benefits of both partners working together in couples counselling

In this article, I will how success in couples counselling is often related to the extent to which both partners participate actively in making changes individually and together. Research indicates that the biggest predictor of success in therapy is the client. Specifically, client factors such as personality characteristics and behaviours play a significant role in whether the client will benefit from working with a therapist. For example, a client who is high in the personality characteristic of conscientious is likely to benefit more from the therapy compared with a client who is low in this characteristic because they are more likely to put in the consistent effort which is required to achieve results in therapy. Client factors also play a pivotal role in whether couples counselling will be successful. In the following sections, I will discuss some of these factors...[more}

2024-05-20T18:02:58-06:00By |Categories: Relationships|
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