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Self-Esteem

Striking a balance: Having good self-esteem without becoming egotistical

In this article, I discuss how to feel good about yourself without having negative effects on your relationships. I sometimes work with clients who are ambivalent about working on the goal of building good self-esteem. You might wonder why someone would be ambivalent about pursuing an apparently unequivocally positive goal. The reason for these clients’ ambivalence is typically concern over good self-esteem leading to egotism or even narcissism. Such concerns often extend to putting oneself ahead of  others so that their relationships may suffer. Fortunately, there are ways to have good self-esteem without it leading to these negative consequences. In the following sections, I will discuss steps you can take to strike this balance...[more]

2024-02-25T21:20:56-07:00By |Categories: Relationships, Self-Esteem|
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Do you have high self-esteem? It depends on how you define it

In this article, I discuss the different ways of thinking about the concept of self-esteem and the implications these have for working on this issue in therapy. Few concepts have received as much attention in psychological research and therapy than self-esteem. In popular discourse, it is generally thought that it is beneficial for a person to have ‘high self-esteem’ or ‘good self-esteem’. In helping clients who tell me they would like to improve their self-esteem, I typically have a discussion regarding the meaning of this concept. This includes considering the different ways self-esteem can be thought of and defined. In the following sections, I will delve into these issues...[more]

2022-11-21T14:32:32-07:00By |Categories: Self-Esteem|
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Thanksgiving:  A time to be grateful for people, things, activities…and CBT tools

In this article, I express my gratitude for the many tools from cognitive behavioural therapy which I am fortunate enough to offer my clients to help them address their issues. Each year at the time of Canadian Thanksgiving, I spend time with family. Doing so reminds me of how grateful I am for the special people, things and activities which I have in my life. In this article, I will focus on how grateful I am for things for which I have not expressed enough gratitude to this point. These are the many tools from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) which I am fortunate enough to offer my clients to help them address their issues...[more]

2022-02-08T15:18:02-07:00By |Categories: Depression, Psychology, Self-Esteem|
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Negative social comparisons: How they affect your mood negatively and how to stop making them

In this article, I discuss how comparing yourself negatively to others is an example of distorted thinking which you can address with skills from cognitive behavioural therapy. In my work as a Calgary psychologist and a Cochrane psychologist, I often work with clients who engage in negative social comparisons. This involves having thoughts which focus on not doing well compared with another person, a group of people, or people in general. Negative social comparisons can focus on beliefs regarding coming up short relative to others in areas such as abilities, personal characteristics and performance at work or school, finances, sports and relationships...[more]

2022-02-08T15:18:10-07:00By |Categories: Depression, Self-Esteem|
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How to be consistent at setting boundaries: Focus on the internal results

In this article, I discuss how focusing on the boundary-setting benefits to your self-esteem and mood can help you to be consistent at this activity. In my work as a Calgary psychologist and a Cochrane psychologist, I often have clients who have challenges in setting boundaries in social interactions and relationships. The most common difficulties involve managing the stress involved in letting others know when they have crossed a boundary and the fact that the stress involved does not appear to be worth enduring based on the limited benefits. That is, clients commonly report that on most occasions the party toward whom they have set boundaries does not respond positively to their boundary-setting attempts. The stress involved in setting boundaries and the lack of positive results which appear to occur when doing so leads many people to give up on setting boundaries...[more]

2022-02-08T15:18:10-07:00By |Categories: Depression, Self-Esteem|
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The importance of engaging in mastery activities at work and in your leisure time

In this article, I discuss why it is important to schedule activities which are good for your self-esteem. In my work as a Calgary psychologist and a Cochrane psychologist, I often have clients with issues involving low self-esteem or low self-confidence. One of my go-to strategies to help these clients is to have them incorporate mastery activities into their lives. Mastery activities are those in which a person accomplishes something and uses their talents and skills...lmore]

2022-02-08T15:18:10-07:00By |Categories: Depression, Self-Esteem|
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Video: Strategies for Improving Self-Esteem

In this episode of Dr. Pat's video tips, I discuss two categories of strategies to help you improve your self-esteem: 1. Cognitive strategies which help you to think more positively about yourself. 2. Behavioural strategies in which you engage in activities which help you to feel good about yourself.

2018-08-20T13:05:27-06:00By |Categories: Self-Esteem, Video|
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A common misconception about cognitive behavioural therapy: It’s just about positive thinking

In this article, I discuss the actual focus of cognitive behavioural therapy—on the power of balanced thinking. In my work as a Calgary psychologist and a Cochrane psychologist, I often encounter people who have misconceptions about cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). One of the most common misconceptions is that CBT is all about just having people think positively in the manner of the baseless positive affirmations made by the Saturday Night Live character Stuart Smalley. This misconception is typically accompanied by the erroneous notion that CBT requires clients not to think about or deal with genuine negative events in their lives. Not surprisingly, people with these views usually have a negative attitude toward CBT...[more]

2022-02-08T15:18:11-07:00By |Categories: Psychology, Self-Esteem, Stress|
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Having and building good self-esteem: Is it a slam dunk or are there downsides?

In this article, I discuss whether there are disadvantages to having and facilitating good self-esteem. In my work as a Calgary psychologist and a Cochrane psychologist, clients often ask for my help in improving their self-esteem. These are typically people who can clearly benefit from changing the negative view they have of themselves with its deleterious effects on their moods, relationships and performance in various domains including work and school. In turn, when these clients take steps toward developing a more positive view of themselves it typically results in significant improvement in these areas of their lives. So taking steps to foster self-esteem in yourself and others is recommended to the point of being a slam dunk, right?...[more]

2022-02-08T15:18:11-07:00By |Categories: Self-Esteem|
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How to respond effectively to criticism: Part 3–What to think

In this article, I discuss thinking skills you can use to take the emotional ‘sting’ out of being criticized. In my previous two articles on how to respond effectively to criticism, I discussed how what to say and when to say it can improve your chances of giving an effective response. In this article, I discuss how what you think when you are criticized can also determine the effectiveness of your response. I will focus on strategies to help you think in a manner which will contribute to an effective response...[more]

2022-02-08T15:18:12-07:00By |Categories: Anxiety, Self-Esteem|
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