Becoming more aware of the positive characteristics and abilities you have is one of the best ways to improve your self-esteem. In this article, I discuss a simple, effective and fun way you can do this.
One of the most compelling research studies I have come across sought to account for the differences between people who are high and low in self-esteem. One expected explanation for the differences which was not supported by the study was that high self-esteem people value themselves more because they have more positive characteristics and abilities than those low in self-esteem. Contrary to prediction, the study found that high and low self-esteem individuals are pretty much equal in how much they have going for them in terms of positive characteristics and abilities. However, a big difference between the two groups occurred in awareness of their positive characteristics and abilities—high self-esteem participants were much more likely to recognize and acknowledge their positive characteristics than were those with low self-esteem.
Ever since I came across this surprising and impactful finding, I have focused on its implications when working with clients who have the goal of improving their self-esteem. I do this by helping these clients increase their awareness of the positive characteristics and abilities they possess. In the following sections, I will discuss a simple, effective and fun way to achieve this goal using a method described by Dr. Melanie Fennell in Overcoming Low Self-Esteem. I have used this method successfully in my work as a Calgary psychologist and a Cochrane psychologist with clients in self-esteem counselling and depression counselling.
Step 1 in becoming more aware of your positive characteristics: Make a list of them
The first step I ask my client to take in becoming more aware of their positive characteristics and abilities is to make a list of them. For clients with low self-esteem who are not used to being aware of their good qualities and abilities, making such a list can be challenging. However, I’ve found that clients are able to complete this task if they take their time by doing it for a homework assignment between sessions. Filling up the list is also easier when clients consider the good qualities their friends, family or relationship partners would say they possess. If clients are still stuck in adding to their lists, I invite them to ask their friends, family, or relationship partners to let them know what positive characteristics and abilities they have observed in them. I may also suggest to my clients that they add certain characteristics and abilities to their lists which I have seen them display. Once the client has made up a list of at least 10 positive characteristics and abilities, they are ready to move to Step 2 in which they take steps to remind themselves of these positive characteristics and abilities on a regular basis.
Step 2 in becoming more aware of your positive characteristics: Record them in action
Once you have made a list of your positive characteristics and abilities, you need to become aware of them on an ongoing basis. Doing so will have good effects on your mood and will help you to shift toward an overall positive view of yourself—that is, toward higher self-esteem. A simple, effective and fun way to become regularly in tune with your strengths is to use what Dr. Fennell calls a ‘positives notebook’. Each day, record in your positives notebook specific instances in which you display particular positive characteristics from your list. For example, a positives notebook might contain an entry like: “On Monday afternoon, I listened supportively and offered helpful advice to my friend Bob who is going through relationship problems. This is an example of the characteristics ‘caring’ and ‘helpful’ from my list.”
Build self-esteem in the same way that you become skillful in other areas—through practice
Feeling good about yourself—which is the essence of having high self-esteem—is a skill which can be developed in the same way you become proficient at other skills: It takes practice. Recording your strengths in action on a daily basis using your positives notebook will give you that practice. In so doing, your tendency to be aware of your positive characteristics and abilities should move toward becoming so well-learned a skill that it is relatively automatic. When you reach this point, your thinking and behaviour will be like that of the high self-esteem participants in the landmark research study which I discussed earlier in this article. That is both a worthy and achievable goal to pursue.
May you become fully aware of your positive characteristics and abilities,
-Dr. Pat
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