Thoughts, feelings and actions: Consequences of differences in the control we have over each of them

In helping clients address their issues, a common approach is to give them strategies to help them make changes in their thoughts, feelings and actions. A key consideration in deciding which of these three factors to focus on for change is the relative degree of control a person has over each of them. In the following sections, I will discuss how much control we are able to exert over our thoughts, feelings and actions and the therapeutic consequences of these relative differences in control.

Benefits of controlling thoughts, feelings and actions

Using various strategies to control our thoughts, feelings and actions can produce significant benefits in addressing a variety of issues such as depression, the various anxiety disorders, anger and stress management, substance use and eating issues, trauma, relationship issues as well as performance in sports and other domains.

Techniques which focus on controlling thoughts include those such as thought records which help people change their negatively skewed thoughts into less negative and more accurate thoughts and others such as gratitude journaling which focus on reminding oneself of the positive people, things and activities in one’s life.

Strategies to control emotions include controlled breathing and other physical relaxation methods to momentarily calm the intensity of difficult emotions like anger, frustration and anxiety along with deliberately exposing oneself to difficult emotions with the benefit over time of lowering the intensity of these emotions in a lasting manner.

Techniques which focus on controlling actions include problem-solving, action plans, constructively communicating about an issue and engaging in activities which are consistent with one’s values in areas such as work and education, relationships, personal growth and leisure.

Although using strategies to control any one of thoughts, feelings and actions will tend to produce significant benefits, especially if they are practised regularly, differences in the degree of control which we have over each of these three factors has implications for how to exert control over them. I will discuss this issue in the next section.

Differences in the degree of the control which we have over thoughts, feelings and actions

Although I encourage clients to exert control in various ways over their thoughts, feelings and actions, there is admittedly a greater challenge in being able to control certain of these factors. Actions are the most controllable of the factors. The reason is that typically we simply need to make the choice to engage in an action which is within our direct control.

On the other hand, thoughts and feelings are usually less controllable than are actions.  It’s not that we have no control over our thoughts and feelings but that we have less control of them. For example, when you encounter a difficult or stressful situation, you are likely to experience negative thoughts and difficult emotions very quickly, uncontrollably and often unexpectedly. In responding to such adversity, it is usually helpful to use strategies to exert control over our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. For example, it would be helpful to use strategies to identify and change negatively distorted thoughts, take some controlled breaths to calm your difficult feelings and take action to deal effectively with the situation.

And while each of these strategies would likely combine to help you rebound from the adverse situation, the cornerstone of your approach should be taking actions which are within your control. Such actions, more than your thoughts and feelings, are most easily controlled by you because you simply need to decide to take these actions. Even when you’re having difficulty controlling your thoughts and feelings in these situations, you can still take action to feel better.

On the other hand, thoughts and feelings can be controlled to a lesser extent. The goal should be to manage them in the situation while you take appropriate action to deal with it.  For example, even if you use skills to change negatively distorted thoughts to more accurate and less negative thoughts, the negatively distorted thoughts may tend to resurface in your mind during the situation. This is particularly likely when you are in the early stages of practising skills to manage your thoughts. Likewise, using skills to lower the intensity of difficult feelings to manage levels in a stressful situation can be effective with practice but it can still be a challenge at times to execute these skills with success.

A sound control strategy: Accept thoughts and feelings while taking committed action

Perhaps the best approach to controlling thoughts, feelings and actions is described by advocates of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).  This perspective encourages people to accept their difficult thoughts and feelings while focusing on taking committed action in valued areas of their lives including work and education, relationships, personal growth and leisure. This fundamental principle of ACT is based on the relatively greater control we have over our actions compared with our thoughts and feelings.

Having said that, ACT proponents acknowledge that we have some control over our thoughts and feelings. Practising skills from ACT and from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to exert this admittedly limited control will make it easier for you to accept your difficult thoughts and feelings while you engage in committed action.

So use strategies to control each of the three factors—thoughts, feelings and actions—but focus on the factor over which you have the most control—your actions.

May you benefit from controlling your thoughts, feelings and especially your actions,

Dr. Pat