Weighing the emotional costs and benefits of your activities

It is axiomatic that we derive the greatest enjoyment, meaning and fulfilment from our various activities such as education, work, hobbies and interests as well as our relationships. These activities enhance our lives largely because they allow us to experience a myriad of positive emotions such as happiness, joy, love, enthusiasm, passion, pride and excitement—to name just a few.

While engaging in these activities, we also necessarily experience negative emotions such as sadness, anxiety, frustration, anger, hurt, disappointment, guilt and shame—to name a few. In effect, if we want to enjoy experiencing the positive emotions from participating in these activities we must pay a price by also experiencing the negative emotions.

In the following sections, I will give several examples of how the pursuits in which we engage lead us to experience both positive and negative emotions. In my next article, I will provide guidelines on how to decide whether the benefits you derive from the positive emotions associated with an activity make it worth it also to experience the costs which come with the activity.

Examples of emotional costs and benefits in various activities

Education and work

Education and work can bring emotional benefits such as feelings of stimulation, passion, accomplishment, self-confidence, happiness and connectedness through the people with whom we interact in these settings.

On the other hand, education and work can also lead to failures and feelings of disappointment. Stress and anxiety can be hard to manage when we cannot keep up with the demands of work or school. Relationships with people at work and school can be negative and sometimes toxic in their effects on us. Prolonged exposure to such negative influences at work or school can lead to burnout.

Hobbies and interests

Hobbies and interests can bring similar emotional benefits to those derived from education and work such as feelings of stimulation, passion, accomplishment, self-confidence, happiness and connectedness. Participating in sports, playing and performing as a musician, singer, actor and dancer, working on cars, cooking, knitting, getting involved in politics and volunteering are just a few examples of hobbies and interests which can allow us to experience these positive emotions.

Unfortunately, hobbies and interests can also lead us to experience the emotional costs which can come with education and work. Participating in hobbies and interests can lead to failures and feelings of disappointment. An athlete, musician or other performer can feel great and be praised when they do well but can feel depressed and be criticized when they don’t do well. Feelings of excitement and pride following a performance typically come with the price of pre-performance anxiety along with many hours of practice and training which can be stressful, boring and exhausting.

Relationships

Relationships of many kinds can provide us with some of the most positive emotional experiences in our lives. This includes intimate relationships such as dating and marriage along with parent-child and sibling relationships as well as friendships. Feelings of love, intimacy, and happiness are among the emotional benefits which we derive from our relationships.

On the flip side, relationships can also lead us to experience many negative emotions when there is stress and conflict or when the relationship ends. Anxiety, anger, frustration, guilt and depression are among the many negative emotions people experience at times in relationships.

Other activities

Other activities featuring emotional costs and benefits include:

Exercise—It feels great once you’re done but it can be unpleasant when you’re doing it.

Going to a sporting event—It can be fun and exciting (especially if the team or player you are supporting does well) but it can also be disappointing and boring and you often have to deal with hassles involved in getting to the game, putting up with unruly fans sitting near you and other sources of stress.

Attending a concert, play or movie—Like sporting events, these can be enjoyable but can also be unpleasant and there can be hassles like those at sporting events.

Traveling—Travel can bring with it much adventure and accompanying fun and excitement but there also are often hassles which can lead to stress, frustration and other negative emotions.

Getting tasks done—For many people, task-oriented activities like shopping are not ones leading to significant enjoyment and often bring with them stress, boredom and other negative emotions. However, people typically still engage in such activities out of necessity.

Do the emotional benefits of an activity make it worth putting up with the costs?

In my next article, I will provide guidelines on how to decide whether the benefits you derive from the positive emotions associated with an activity make it worth it to put up with the costs which come with the activity.

May you consider the emotional costs and benefits of the activities in which you engage,

Dr. Pat