Attachment styles: Views of relationships which predict relationship behaviours and outcomes

In my last article I discussed how attachment theory, which focuses on the emotional bond between infants and their caregivers, can be used to explain people’s thinking, behaviours and emotions in relationships with partners in adult romantic relationships such as dating and marriage. Among the attachment theory concepts I discussed were the ‘mental models’ which infants form based on experiences with their caregivers.

As I mentioned, these models persist beyond our first relationships with caregivers and affect our thoughts, emotions and behaviours in relationships with attachment figures in later relationships. A focus on this notion comes in the concept of ‘attachment styles’. These are ways of viewing relationships in which people differ and which can affect behaviours and outcomes in adult romantic relationships. In the following sections, I will discuss the results of research on these points.

Origin of the attachment styles concept

Attachment styles as a concept were pioneered by Dr. Mary Ainsworth when working with infants in a research paradigm called the ‘strange situation’. In this paradigm, a parent (usually the mother) would be in the room with their 1 year old child (playing with toys) and a stranger (played by someone working for the experimenter). At certain times, the mother would leave the room so that the infant would be alone in the room with the stranger.

The reaction of the infant upon the mother leaving and upon returning varied, leading to the identification of three distinct ‘attachment styles’ known as secure (distressed when the mother left but easily soothed when she returned), avoidant (not as visibly distressed when the mother left and avoiding the mother when she returned) and anxious–sometimes called anxious/ambivalent (distressed when the mother left and not easily soothed when she returned). These differences in infant attachment styles were linked to difference in the experiences of the infants with their caregivers during the first year of the infant’s life.

Attachment styles applied to adult romantic relationships

Researchers in the field of adult romantic relationships later proposed that adults may differ in attachment styles just as infants do. They labelled the adult attachment styles the same as the infant attachment styles—secure, avoidant and anxious. These researchers focused on adults differing in their views of relationships with adult attachment figures such as spouses and dating partners just as infants differed in their views of relationships with their caregivers.

Two dimensions on which the three attachment styles can be classified

Researchers determined that the secure, avoidant and anxious attachment styles could be classified according to two dimensions. In turn, this allowed researchers to pinpoint the key similarities and differences among people with different attachment styles.

These dimensions are:

(1) Comfort with closeness. This dimension refers to how comfortable the person is becoming close to partners in relationships;

(2) Anxiety about being unloved or abandoned. This dimension refers to how anxious and preoccupied the person is about their partners not loving them or abandoning them.

In turn, the three attachment styles correspond to these two dimensions as follows:

(1) People with a secure attachment style tend to be comfortable with closeness in relationships and are not particularly anxious about their partner not loving them or abandoning them.

(2) People with an avoidant attachment style tend to be uncomfortable with closeness in relationships and are not particularly anxious about their partner not loving them or abandoning them (at least overtly).

(3) People with an anxious attachment style tend to be comfortable with closeness in relationships (sometimes to an excessive degree) but are particularly anxious about whether their partners love them or are going to abandon them.

Differences in relationship outcomes based on attachment style

The differences in attachment styles have been found to lead to differences in several important relationship outcomes. Across various outcome measures, those with a secure attachment style tend to fare better than people with an avoidant or anxious attachment style (sometimes they are collectively referred to as the ‘insecure’ attachment styles).

For example, those with a secure attachment style tend to have relationships which are higher in satisfaction, commitment and trust compared to people with an avoidant or an anxious attachment style. Not surprisingly, the relationships of people with a secure attachment style are also more likely to last longer and stay intact compared with the relationships of people with insecure attachment styles which tend to be shorter in duration and more likely to end.

Differences in relationship behaviours based on attachment styles

In addition to the differences in relationship outcomes based on attachment styles which have been researched, there also have been found differences in behaviours displayed in relationships according to one’s attachment style. Unlike the relationship outcome data which generally show an advantage of people with a secure attachment style compared to those with the two insecure attachment styles, the behavioural research also reveals differences between people with avoidant and anxious attachment styles. These differences help to explain the different reasons for people with each of these two insecure attachment styles faring worse in relationship outcomes compared to people with a secure attachment style.

One notable behaviour on which people with different attachment styles vary is self-disclosure. This is the degree to which a person reveals personal information and feelings to their partner. Those with an avoidant style are notably lower in self-disclosure compared with people who have a secure or an anxious attachment style.

This behaviour logically stems from people with an avoidant style being uncomfortable with closeness because self-disclosure is a key behaviour which leads to closeness in relationships. In turn, the lower levels of relationship satisfaction, commitment and trust featured in the relationships of people with avoidant attachment styles are likely linked to lower levels of self-disclosure and closeness are the shorter duration and higher breakup rates featured among people with an avoidant attachment style.

The latter findings may be partly a function of the poor relationship outcomes experienced by people with an avoidant attachment style and their partners. It is also possible that ending the relationship, like low self-disclosure, may be a vehicle used by those with an avoidant attachment style to stay clear of the closeness with which they are uncomfortable.

A second important behaviour on which people with different attachment styles vary is preoccupation with one’s partner. Those with an anxious style are notably higher in preoccupation with one’s partner compared with people who have a secure or avoidant attachment style.

This behaviour logically stems from people with an anxious style being concerned about whether their partner loves them or is going to abandon them. Such preoccupation results in higher levels of jealousy in relationships among people with the anxious attachment style.  In turn, the lower levels of relationship satisfaction, commitment and trust of featured in the relationships of people with an anxious attachment style are likely linked to higher levels of preoccupation and jealousy as are the shorter duration and higher breakup rates featured among people with an anxious attachment style.

Can attachment styles change?

An important question stemming from the relationship outcome and behaviour data is whether someone’s attachment style can change. The answer from the research is clearly yes. In that regard, it is helpful to think of one’s attachment style in the same way that one thinks of other personality characteristics on which individuals differ. Such characteristics are typically thought of as relatively stable ways of thinking, feeling and behaving.

According to this notion, someone would be expected to think, feel and behave consistently with their attachment style over time and in different situations–particularly in different relationships. Having said that, just as with other personality characteristics it is possible for a person to think, feel and behave differently from their personality in different situations—particularly in different relationships—and over time. However, in order for a person to think, feel and behave differently from their attachment style there would typically have to be something significant occur in the situation or over time which would lead to this departure from their usual way of thinking, feeling and behaving.

In practical terms, this would involve a significant set of events occurring which lead to changes in one’s view of relationships regarding the dimensions of comfort with closeness and preoccupation with being unloved or abandoned. For example, someone with an avoidant attachment style might participate in therapy to work on their discomfort with closeness. This work could result in the person making a shift away from the avoidant attachment style and toward a secure attachment style.  Similarly, someone with an anxious attachment style might participate in therapy to work on their preoccupation with being unloved and abandoned. This work could result in the person making a shift away from the anxious attachment style and toward a secure attachment style.

May your attachment style bring you the relationship behaviours and outcomes which you are seeking,

-Dr. Pat