Coping with being alone over the Christmas holidays: Practising what I preach

The year 2020 marks the first year in my lengthy time on Earth in which I have not spent the Christmas holidays with my family members. This includes my early years living in Winnipeg where I was born and raised along with the last several years travelling to be with family. These trips were mostly to Winnipeg except for one year in which the family Christmas gathering was on Vancouver Island where my recently deceased older brother Mike and his family resided.

I have always looked forward to the time I spend with my family at Christmas. Holiday events include have included a turkey dinner on Christmas Day, various get-togethers, Christmas Mass with family members and various other activities.

In past years, I have offered advice to others on how to cope with being alone over the Christmas holidays. For this year, I will be applying this advice to myself as I stay in Calgary because of the COVID-19 pandemic. In the following sections, I will discuss my coping strategies.

Accepting and managing feelings and thoughts

My first strategy for coping with being alone over the holidays is to accept and manage my feelings and thoughts about the situation. I feel sad about not being able to be with my loved ones at this special time of year. I feel frustrated that there is nothing I can do to change that fact.

I feel anger at the events and people who have led to me and so many others being in this situation. This includes a minority of my fellow citizens whose irresponsible actions have contributed to excessive spread of the virus as well as many unnecessary deaths. I also feel anger toward some of our leaders who have not protected their citizens properly by disregarding the advice of health experts and by failing to contain the virus through proven effective means such as extensive testing and contact tracing. Finally, I feel anger toward the leaders of the country in which the virus originated for withholding information about it. Had they disclosed this information promptly, it is possible that the global spread of the virus could have been prevented.

Once I accept my valid thoughts and feelings associated with being alone over the holidays and the factors which have contributed to them, I turn my attention to managing those thoughts and feelings. One strategy to managing feelings is to lower their intensities to manageable levels so they don’t become overwhelming. Calming my body through deep breaths, meditation and physical exercise helps with this goal.

A second helpful strategy to manage the intensity of feelings is to view events and people in a balanced way rather than focusing solely on the negative elements which I mentioned. For example, even though some citizens and leaders have not behaved properly during this challenging time, there are many other citizens and leaders who have behaved well. This includes citizens who have diligently followed guidelines to keep themselves and others safe, leaders who have strived to do the best they can in keeping their citizens safe, and people in various occupations who have performed their jobs admirably in a stressful and in many instances risky environment.

I can also view in a more balanced way the effects of being alone over the holidays. Although admittedly this entails not being physically present with people I would like to be with, it does not need to detract from my still having enjoyable times with them at a distance through various modes of communication. It also does not mean that I cannot still enjoy many of the holiday traditions which are special to me and my family members.

Already feeling significantly better as a result of viewing the prospect of being alone over the holidays in a better way, my next coping strategy is to implement a ‘game plan’ comprised of the various activities I’ve mentioned. Doing so may not only ease some of the feelings I mentioned but also may bring about feelings of joy, happiness, closeness and fulfilment.

Maintaining social connections

In my visits to Winnipeg over the last many Christmas holiday seasons, I have enjoyed staying with my younger brother Ron, his wife Karen and her two adult children Samantha and Nate as well as spending time with my younger sister Maureen, my niece Alyson and her family. This year, I plan to connect with them in other ways. There should be enough interaction by video, text and phone so that we will still enjoy the feelings of closeness which make the holidays special. I also plan to connect with my older sister Joanne who lives in Victoria, B.C. along with my sister-in-law Kathy who lives in Courtenay, B.C.

Preserving holiday traditions

In addition to keeping up the holiday tradition of spending time with my family, I also intend to preserve other holiday practices. For example, I always look forward to watching annual Christmas movies and television shows, listening to Christmas music and looking at Christmas lights. I can do so again this year despite not being with family. Instead of attending Christmas Mass in Winnipeg, this year I will be viewing Christmas Mass on my computer from Calgary.

As for the food and drink I love to consume at Christmas time: I will still enjoy drinking eggnog. And as a substitute for enjoying turkey dinner and dessert with my family, I have ordered a full-course turkey dinner from a local restaurant. This not only will allow me to enjoy the dinner I look forward to at Christmas, it also lets me give some business to a nearby eating establishment to help them pay the bills amid the financial strain resulting from the pandemic.

Adding new traditions

In the same way that the pandemic in general has led to some beneficial changes which are likely to last once it’s thankfully over, being alone at Christmas because of the pandemic can spur the creation of new holiday traditions which may become fixtures of future post-pandemic holiday seasons. In the case of my family, my older sister Joanne came up with an excellent idea of this kind.

She suggested that she and her three remaining siblings participate in a family knowledge quiz game. I have been assigned the task of being the quiz-master responsible for asking Joanne, Maureen and Ron trivia questions about the Keelan family. This event is slated to occur in a virtual meeting some time after Christmas Day. I am looking forward to this new way of connecting with my siblings by focusing on knowledge of our family. I think the game may become an annual tradition.

Keeping up activity routines

The final part of my game plan to deal with being alone over the Christmas holidays is to keep up with the activity routines I follow throughout the year. These activities add enjoyment to my life and help me to manage my emotions effectively. My routine includes: Helping my clients in therapy sessions; reading books and articles to improve my ability to help others; doing volunteer work on the public education committee of the Psychologists’ Association of Alberta: exercising regularly; practising the piano and enjoying leisure activities such as non-work reading, watching movies and television, and listening to music.

Along with the many planned relationship interactions I mentioned, focusing on these activities is an integral part of my strategy to cope with being alone over the Christmas holidays. In fact, I have confidence that the game plan I will follow will result in my have many enjoyable thoughts and feelings despite being alone at this special time of year.

May you and yours have a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday,

Dr. Pat