How attachment theory predicts relationship behaviours and outcomes

I did my PhD dissertation on the topic, ‘Attachment theory and adult romantic relationships’. In my research, I explored how a theory which focuses on the emotional bond between infants and their caregivers can be used to explain people’s thinking, behaviours and emotions in relationships with partners in adult romantic relationships such as dating and marriage. In the following sections, I will discuss some of the key concepts from attachment theory.

The attachment system

Dr. John Bowlby is the father of attachment theory. He said that the first relationships an infant has with its primary caregiver are foundational for determining a person’s functioning in relationships. He said that infants have a distress response built into them through evolution to signal their caregivers when they are separated from them.

Dr. Bowlby referred to the attachment system being activated when the infant is separated from its caregiver and the distress response occurs. The evolutionary basis of the attachment system is that infants who exhibited this response to signal their caregivers were more likely to survive.

Attachment and emotions in relationships

Attachment theory focuses on the positive emotions we experience when we have close proximity to our ‘attachment figures’ and the distress we experience when we are separated from them. That is, in the same way that infants feel secure when they are physically comforted by their caregivers, in later relationships such as dating and marriage we feel secure when we are physically or emotionally close to our attachment figures. And just as infants experience distress when separated from their caregivers, we experience distress when we are physically or emotionally separated from our attachment figures in later relationships.

Attachment and the ending of relationships

As mentioned, the attachment system becomes activated when an infant is separated from its caregiver. The distress reaction which the infant displays is its evolutionary-based means of signalling its caregiver to restore proximity and ensure its survival. The longer the separation from its caregiver, the longer the distress expressed by the infant goes on.

In a similar manner, separation from one’s attachment figures in later relationships can produce a distress reaction as intense as that experienced in infancy. This distress reaction will be maximal in intensity and duration when the separation from one’s attachment figure is permanent as occurs when an intimate relationship ends. In addition, the closer one’s relationship has been with the attachment figure, the longer the distress reaction is expected to endure when the relationship ends.

Attachment and mental models of relationships

Experiences which the infant has in its foundational relationship with its caregivers instill in the infant ways of viewing itself, its attachment figures and relationships. These are known as internal working models or mental models. These models persist beyond our first relationships with caregivers and affect our thoughts, emotions and behaviours in relationships with attachment figures in later relationships.

Positive experiences which infant has with its caregivers in the foundational relationship instill positive working models focusing on the infant viewing itself as worthy of love and support and viewing its caregiver as one who can be trusted and relied upon to be there when needed. Negative experiences which the infant has with its caregivers in the foundational relationship instill negative working models focusing on the infant viewing itself as unworthy of love and support and viewing its caregiver as one who cannot be trusted and relied upon to be there when needed.

These mental models persist into the years beyond infancy and affect the course of the person’s relationships with attachment figures in close relationships. That is, if the person developed positive mental models from positive experiences with its caregivers in infancy, they are likely to have positive mental models in relationships with later attachment figures including viewing oneself as worthy of love and support and viewing one’s partner as one who can be trusted and relied upon. In contrast, if the person developed negative mental models from negative experiences with its caregivers in infancy, they are likely to have negative mental models in relationships with later attachment figures including viewing oneself as unworthy of love and support and viewing one’s partner as one who cannot be trusted and relied upon.

In turn, the nature of the mental models which a person brings to later relationships based on their experiences in infancy with their caregivers can have a significant effect on the person’s thoughts, emotions and behaviours in relationships which can affect the course of these relationships. Having positive mental models make it more likely that the person will have positive thoughts, emotions and behaviours in later relationships which makes it more likely that these relationships will have positive outcomes. On the other hand, having negative mental models make it more likely that the person will have negative thoughts, emotions and behaviours in later relationships which makes it more likely that these relationships will have negative outcomes.

In my next article, I will discuss more about how different ways of viewing relationships which stem from attachment theory can have significant effects on our relationships.

May you explore how attachment theory is relevant to your relationships,

-Dr. Pat