The four horsemen: Costs of using them in relationships and in politics

I regularly discuss ‘the four horsemen of the apocalypse’ with clients. To clarify, I do not spend much time discussing the Biblical reference to the four signs of the end of the world. Instead, I focus on four negative communication patterns described by psychologist and relationship expert Dr. John Gottman in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Dr. Gottman refers to these patterns as the four horsemen of the apocalypse because their ongoing use leads to the end of relationships.

I recently observed that politicians who regularly use the four horsemen when communicating may pay a price on election day. I came to this realization during the Canadian federal election campaign which culminated in the election of the Liberal Party of Canada with Mark Carney as Prime Minister on April 28, 2025. Based on what I learned about the result, I believe there is evidence that Dr. Gottman’s four horsemen played a role in the victory by Mr. Carney and his fellow Liberals. I will discuss these dynamics in the following sections.

The four horsemen

The four horsemen include:

(1) Criticism—This entails using a negative label to describe the person with whom you are disagreeing rather than focusing on their behaviour, the facts or the issues;

(2) Defensiveness—When someone constructively raises an issue with you, you respond by blaming or attacking rather than trying to address their concerns or taking responsibility;

(3) Contempt—This involves describing the other person in condescending terms with mockery and sarcasm rather than expressing your thoughts and feelings constructively;

(4) Stonewalling—This involves tuning out the other person as they express their concerns rather than listening to them–like a ‘stone wall’.

Effects of the four horsemen on relationships

Research by Dr. Gottman and others indicates that using the four horsemen in relationships has significant negative effects. Ongoing use without reining them in is predictive of a relationship’s demise.

As a result, I and other therapists help couples to become aware of these negative effects and to practice using ‘antidotes’ to the four horsemen. These are constructive ways of communicating which are alternatives to the four horsemen.

Use of the four horsemen in politics

The four horsemen often appear in politics when politicians and parties determine that ‘going low’ is a strategy to help them succeed with voters. This entails engaging in smear campaigns against one’s opponents by attacking their character with negative labels, often accompanied by lies and distortions, rather than arguing the merits of issues.

Even though using the four horsemen spells trouble in relationships, the picture is often different in politics. For example, negative ‘attack ads’ regarding one’s opponent have often led to success for politicians who have used them in campaigns. In Canadian federal election campaigns, Conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harper used these tactics successfully against his Liberal opponents Stephane Dion in 2008 and Michael Ignatieff in 2011.

However, personal attacks in campaigns have also been ineffective. For example, Prime Minister Harper was beaten decisively by the Liberals’ Justin Trudeau despite a barrage of attack ads. Using the four horsemen has even backfired enormously such as when the Progressive Conservatives, led by Prime Minister Kim Campbell, were obliterated in the 1993 election. This result occurred partly because of voter backlash over a campaign advertisement which mocked the facial deformity of Liberal leader Jean Chretien.

How the four horsemen were used in the 2025 Canadian federal election campaign

As someone who has followed Canadian politics closely for several decades, I cannot remember an election campaign in which the four horsemen were used so often by a candidate as in the 2025 federal election. The candidate who used them consistently was Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre.

He often did so at rallies to energize his base voters by using personal attacks, mockery and sarcasm when describing his opponents. He also commonly displayed defensiveness with journalists who had the temerity to ask him anything other than softball questions about his policies.

Not surprisingly, Mr. Poilievre’s campaign manager Jenni Byrne also ‘went low’ when others ‘went high’ during the campaign. A case in point: She made an online attack on former Conservative leader Erin O’Toole for sending best wishes to Liberal Anita Anand who, at the time, said she was leaving politics.

Effects of the four horsemen on the 2025 Canadian federal election results

Although the available evidence is inconclusive, it strongly suggests that Mr. Poilievre’s uber-use of the four horsemen cost him at the ballot box. For example, women, older voters and Quebecers were three demographics who voted primarily for other parties. Mr. Poilievre’s ‘tone’ was cited as a primary reason for their electoral decisions.

Alienating these pivotal voting groups was considered a factor in the Conservatives turning a 27-point lead in the polls in January, 2025 into a loss to the Liberals in the April 28th election. It was also cited as a factor in Mr. Poilievre’s suffering the embarrassment of losing the Ottawa-Carleton seat which he had held for over 20 years.

Further evidence suggesting that going low cost Mr. Poilievre was that the percentage of voters who preferred the Conservative Party was significantly higher than the percentage who said they preferred Mr. Poilievre as Prime Minister. In contrast, the percentage of voters who said they preferred the Liberal Party was significantly less than the percentage who preferred Mr. Carney as Prime Minister. In other words, the leader who used the four horsemen ran well behind his party with voters while the leader who avoided using them ran well ahead of his party. This led the Conservatives to feature their leader less in advertising late in the campaign.

To his credit, Mr. Poilievre attempted late in the campaign to be more constructive in his communication in response to criticism from many sources including Kory Teneycke, campaign manager of Progressive Conservative Premier of Ontario Doug Ford. This shift was on display at the leadership debates. I was pleasantly surprised by Mr. Poilievre’s performance. I thought he did an excellent job delivering his points by focusing on facts rather than on personal attacks. Reports I have heard are that he will focus on being more constructive and less of a ‘pit bull’ going forward.

A final word on the four horsemen in relationships and in politics

It has been clear for a long time that using the four horsemen when communicating is damaging to relationships. It has been less clear that using them is damaging to politicians’ electoral success. My reading is that, although there can be benefits at times to ‘going negative’ in campaigns, doing so too often or in what appear to be acts of bullying or meanness will turn off enough voters to cost a candidate or a party.

My preference is that personal attacks in politics would be few and far between. In this ideal scenario, opposing candidates and parties would debate the issues and let the voters decide who they prefer based on clashes of ideas. Unfortunately, I think it is unlikely we will ever reach this point. However, I take solace in the fact that in the 2025 Canadian federal election, many voters delivered a clear message that they do not like politicians to make personal attacks. I commend them for doing so.

May you avoid using the four horsemen when you communicate,

-Dr. Pat