Making lemonade from lemons: Reaping benefits from adversity

A little over a month ago, I experienced significant adversity in the form of my car being stolen. It was stressful on the day it occurred and it has continued to be stressful as I cope with the aftermath of this unfortunate event.

Having said that, I am pleased to report that I have experienced many benefits because of this challenging curve ball which the universe has thrown me. Some of these positives were expected while others were pleasant surprises. I will discuss these benefits of my recent vehicular adversity in the following sections.

Hedonic adaptation

One of the benefits I accrued following the theft of my car was the effect of hedonic adaptation. This refers to the diminishing positive or negative effect on your mood over time following a change in your circumstances.

It applies to both favourable and unfavourable changes in your circumstances. That is, when a favourable change in your circumstances occurs it will initially have a positive effect on your mood but this positive effect will tend to diminish over time as you get used to your new more favourable circumstances. Examples include moving to a nicer home and receiving an increase in income. Similarly, when an unfavourable change in your circumstances occurs it will initially have a negative effect on your mood but this negative effect will tend to diminish over time as you get used to your new more unfavourable circumstances.

It was comforting and surprising to me how hedonic adaptation unfolded during this challenging event. My mood was not in a good state the evening I realized my car had been stolen and it was still not in a good state the day after this unfortunate event. However, as the days passed following the event my mood gradually returned to normal as hedonic adaptation kicked in.

The process made real to me the research indicating that people are generally poor predictors of the effects of events on their mood. They tend to overestimate both the positive effects on their mood of positive events and the negative effects of negative events. So, although these events can affect our moods, those effects tend to diminish over time.

Use of stress management skills

The adversity of having my car stolen also allowed me to exercise my repertoire of stress management skills. These are skills which I use regularly to manage stress and which I encourage my clients to use. It was encouraging to see how effective they were in helping me to manage a very stressful situation like having my car stolen.

The stress management plan I use is simple but effective when it is executed. It consists of a combination of problem-focused coping and self-focused coping strategies. Problem-focused coping strategies entail taking steps to address the problems inherent in the stressful situation. In this case, problem-focused strategies included dealing with the police and my insurance company, taking the many steps required to purchase a new vehicle and preparing for how to manage without a vehicle until my new vehicle arrives.

Self-focused coping strategies entail engaging in activities and strategies to help manage your emotional reaction to the stressful situation. These included engaging in activities to relax and take my mind off the stressful situation, performing activities like exercise and relaxed breathing to calm my body’s stress response, and using cognitive tools like thought records to help manage my emotional reactions through balanced thinking.

Social support

Having my car stolen allowed me to see the benefits of social support in dealing with such adversity. It was also wonderful to see the generosity and caring displayed by people close to me in helping me get through the crisis.

Cases in point: My family and friends gave me encouragement throughout the crisis so that I didn’t have to go through it alone. My younger brother also was an enormous help to me in the challenging process of buying a new vehicle to replace the one which was stolen. My piano teacher not only offered to drive to my home for lessons while I was without a vehicle, she also offered to drive me to get groceries. Experiencing adversity allowed me to marvel at these beautiful gestures of kindness.

Realizing I can take a punch and get back up

As stressful as this situation has been for me, it is comforting to know that I can be presented with a significant unexpected stressor and come through it all right. It makes it easier going forward to realize that, even though I would not look forward to another stressor of this magnitude, I know I can take the punch from it and get back up.

Opening up exciting new situations and activities

Stressful events may be challenging to deal with when you are going through them but they often move you into exciting new situations and activities. We often don’t explore these new directions in our lives without having been led their by having to deal with a stressful situation.

A recent example of this phenomenon from many people’s lives involved changes in their working conditions because of the coronavirus pandemic. This stressful event required many people who normally worked in offices to work from home. This change applied to my therapy practice when I stopped seeing clients in the office and began conducting virtual sessions from home.

This change, which was forced upon me and others, led me to discover that I enjoyed working from home more than going to the office. My days were less stressful from not having to commute each day and I had much more available time to engage in enjoyable activities to complement my work. Had the pandemic not occurred, I likely would not have made this change which has had a significant positive effect on my well-being.

In a similar manner, having my car stolen has led me to take the steps to purchase a new vehicle which I am very excited about. Given how much I had procrastinated in taking the steps to buy a new vehicle before my car had been stolen, I believe that the stressful event moved me into an exciting new chapter of my life much quicker than had the event not occurred.

Going with the flow

Even though it is challenging when you are in the midst of a stressful situation, I think it helps to have a ‘go with the flow’ attitude at these times. That is, instead of viewing the event as unequivocally negative in all its elements, it may be better to think of your steps being ordered in a certain direction which will often lead to new activities, opportunities and challenges.

I’ve tried to adopt this view with each unexpected stressful event I face. Rather than resisting the change with a negative mindset, viewing it instead as a transition with temporary stress which can lead me to a better new place has removed much additional stress. From a spiritual standpoint, going with the flow can be viewed as letting go of control as God orders one’s steps.

Although the recent theft of my car was a very stressful event to experience, I now realize that there have been many silver linings which I have experienced since the dark cloud descended upon me. I can therefore state with confidence that I am better off having had this event occur in my life.

May you reap benefits from adversity which you face,

-Dr. Pat